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The big ugly F word

Once upon a time (and yes it does seem like a 100 years ago) I lived in a time when I wrote a blog post almost every day. The year was 2009 and it was before blogs really got popular, and before the internet really had grown legs, and before Facebook became the thing that it is today. Facebook was only a baby at 4 years old and I discovered it about the same time as I began blogging.

For five years I wrote my blog, and I explored, and I did all the things I loved. I wrote about what went on in my head, my world and I shared my discoveries about life.. I met some amazing people on my word journey, a few of who I still keep in contact with today and whose children I have watched grow.

I wrote on my own blog and for World Moms Network. We were mum bloggers, learning as we went and we were near the beginning of the internet wave before blogging became popular and mainstream.

I didn’t overthink my words and I was doing three times the amount of things I am doing today. Working, writing, studying at university, playing and coaching baseball and co-parenting four teenage boys. Ahh it seems so long ago.

So I just now went and googled myself and my blog and it’s still sitting there in all its raw ‘me-ness’. I laugh now when I read back through some of those posts.

Eleven years doesn’t seem like that long ago, my thirties back then are certainly different than my forties are today, my children were still children and my grandchildren were but a whisper in the wind from the future.

I self published my first book in 2012 , it was my gift to myself for my fortieth birthday, writing it was a goal to accomplish before the big 4...0 and yet here I sit today wondering what’s stopping me from writing the next book as I cannonball toward the next big O birthday.

Today the learnings on fears are coming at me from every angle (I get it already) and yet if I was to describe myself I would say I‘m not a fearful person, I did the anxiety gig in my twenties, and I am no longer that person. I am strong and confident and I do what I say I’m going to do. I’ve done some big scary, heart stopping shit over the years which has stretched the comfort zone to snapping point. I survived, I am no worse for the experience.

Then this popped up in my email feed from William Whitecloud today...wise man, great awareness, and perhaps a little too close to the truth for me.

“The thing that keeps people small is their lack of follow through. They get in touch with what they'd love to do or have and are momentarily inspired by it...then they quickly or slowly talk themselves out of it.

They allow themselves to get distracted, second guess themselves, tell themselves that they'll do it later, didn't really want it, anything to just stay on the same path that takes them nowhere but where they have been going all their lives. And thereby rejecting the way that would circumvent their limitations and lead to the expression of their higher potential.

You can blame it on limiting beliefs, the economy, whatever you want, but it's purely a function of values. People have all kinds of values, especially in principle values, like honesty, equality, charity, etc. But even the highest principled people fall short when it comes to follow through, because its not a value that is commonly upheld.

Growth is one of the most important qualities or aspects of the human spirit, and there is no growth without follow through. And you don't follow through on a consistent basis unless it's part of your code for living, a value that you self-consciously strive to uphold. Everything changes with follow through, nothing changes without it.”

So let’s get real here...

- it’s not that I don’t know how - I proved that by writing the first book

- it’s not that I don’t have time, we can always make time for the things we want most

- it’s not that I truly suck at writing, the first one was okay and practice makes perfect

It would seem it’s actually that big ugly four letter swear word


So with my goal for 2021 being to write my next book, and to well and truly get over myself, I will go back to blogging regularly. Because if I’m writing each day then it’s the beginning of me following through, it‘s setting up writing habits and consistency. It’s breaking down the fear into manageable pieces.

Because fear never goes away, it’s always there...it’s understanding why it’s there and then putting steps in place so you can keep doing what you aim to do regardless.

So words on the page...I’m following through. What are you going to follow through with today, this week, this month?

Keep smiling, Fi

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