Finding our way in the world and understanding who we are is a part of our journey, and it’s what living our lives is all about. But it’s also damn hard when you feel different or feel like you don’t fit into the same space as those around you.
It’s hard at any age when you’re seeking to fit in and find your place, especially when most of us just want to feel safe, supported and happy. And when we’re bombarded from every angle about what we should look like, how we should act, who we should be. Or what we should or shouldn’t do.
Ironically it’s only with age and doing the work on myself that I’ve started to really understand that being different is okay, and that I don’t have to be like everyone else.
Because the things that sometimes make being me hard work, are also the things which make me proud to be me.
The key ones (and there’s probably more labels for some of the things in this list too)
I love my own space and being alone, I dislike crowds and noise and chaos
I love reading and writing, or doing anything creative
I have a strong sense of justice and fairness and it’s gotten me into trouble on more than one occasion when I’ve stood up for someone or gone to battle over what I consider to be unfair treatment.
I cry at the drop of a hat - happy, sad, angry, proud - it doesn’t matter, I cry. For the longest time I’ve hidden that…a lot!!!
I can’t tolerate violence or conflict of any sort, it actually makes me feel physically ill, and I’ll do anything to try and keep the peace.
I have an almost insatiable desire to learn, to explore, and to know the answers to life and why we are who we are.
Being around toxic energy and toxic people has always made me feel physically sick, because my body literally absorbs the toxicity. On some occasions I have been forced to distance myself from people and situations because of it. It’s taken me a lot of years of suffering for this realisation to sink in.
I feel everything intensely - other people’s pain and suffering, their joy, their frustrations.
I can’t stand loud or noisy spaces - music, crowds, parties, locations.
I used to think that’s what it meant to be empathic, to feel. And let’s be honest I’ve never been keen on the labels and judgements which society has created as a way of explaining our differences or our similarities. Yet, I recently discovered one of these ‘so called labels’ which suddenly makes me and who I am make so much more sense.
I totally accept that I'm a highly sensitive person and I absolutely fit every single thing on this list https://highlysensitiverefuge.com/highly-sensitive-person-signs/
I’ve learnt that…
It’s okay if I cry when you share your happy news with me, or cry because I’m so angry at toxic behaviour or poor treatment.
It’s okay to walk away from a situation, person or place that is physically making me feel unwell and unbalanced.
It’s okay to watch television or read something and get emotional on a daily basis at something cute, or a heartwarming share, or someone’s proud moment, or something that horrifies me.
It’s okay to need my own space, and to spend time alone as often as I need to without needing to explain why.
Actually all labels aside, what this makes me realise is that it’s actually okay to be me, just as I am, doing just what I’m doing. I don’t have to make excuses or apologise for what I feel or who I am.
I can just be me.
Cheers, Fi xx