I read this quote in a book I was reading the other day and sadly it resonated all too strongly.
"Most people will be dead before they change, because they keep putting off the decisions that could lead to the life they want. And by living this way, they're existing as if they'll live forever" ~ Ajit Nawalkha
Why do we resist change? Why indeed, because change is big and scary and confronting. And because most of us have a lifetime of conditioning and identifying with thoughts and beliefs which keep us stuck in the wash cycle of life.
None of us are stupid, we all might make bad choices sometimes but we're not stupid. We know the things that are good for us, we know what our bodies and our minds need - quality sleep, healthy food, good habits, great relationships, meaningful work.
And yes, most of us also know what is required to have those things - we know we should go to bed at a decent hour - yet we choose the short term and quick feel-good stuff, watching a movie that finishes late, reading a book, screen time - all choices we make over a good nights sleep.
We know the early morning walk or gym session is what our body needs, but because we went to bed late last night, we've woken up late and we're tired. As a result we drag ourselves through the morning - making ourselves feel better with a strong coffee and a quick carby, sugary breakfast which we either grab on our way out the door or on the run.
And then we beat ourselves up for the better part of the day and feel guilty because we know what we should be doing and still we don't. We promise ourselves that tomorrow is another day and we'll feel more like doing it tomorrow.
And then we don't...
I quit my job two weeks ago because I was feeling miserable, unhappy, disillusioned, frustrated and stressed. Nothing new there - we all have those experiences, and me well I seem to have them more than most. But whether we quit or we stay - we're always in the wash cycle.
Wash, rinse, repeat, spin - until we're so dizzy we don't know which way is up. And sometimes we even get hung out to dry, and that hurts.
I know the work I do doesn't make me happy or fulfill me, and certainly isn't the best use of my skills and my knowledge. Yet I keep signing up for the same things - badly run projects, poor leadership, ridiculous timelines, unsustainable outcomes. Same, same but different.
This time I felt so burnt out and disillusioned that I couldn't even make myself sign up for more of the same.
Sound familiar?
Of course it starts with me (or with you if my words resonate) on my journey of self discovery and learning. It starts with no longer wanting to keep settling for less than what I deserve or doing what is 'expected'. And understanding my disenchantment and frustration probably has its foundations in more than one thing.
and the realisation that "if you need motivation to do something, you're probably doing the wrong thing"
So how do you do to change that?
I have started with the following;
Asked myself what skills I have and what I love doing?
Got clear on what motivates me, and subsequently what holds me back?
Explored my values and beliefs and what triggers me when my values don't align with what I'm doing and who I'm working with?
Decided what I do want in my life and what's important for me?
Got real with myself and acknowledged I wasn't going to live forever and that I had to stop putting things off.
I've continued working on my 'people pleasing' ways and not doing the 'expected thing' - which has definitely required some hard conversations with myself.
Owned the fact that it all starts and ends with me - my thoughts, my fears, my actions.
Mostly I realised it doesn't matter what I do or don't do - I am where I'm meant to be, doing what I'm meant to do and that's enough. I am a work in progress and all of this is part of my learning but I am me and I'm okay.
Cheers, Fi